PARENTS’ QUESTIONS ON CHILD DISCIPLINE Nadine Block The following are answers to questions that have been sent to the Center for Effective Discipline. Answers are given by Nadine Block, Director and retired school psychologist unless otherwise noted. Circumstances and names have been changed for privacy purposes. We are unable to answer all questions submitted. Questions can be sent to info@stophitting.org. To Spank or Not to Spank? Q. I am not in favor of physical abuse or intentionally harming a child. I am not even stating whether I support spanking. I am only interested in parental rights. Do you believe that each parent has a right to parent his/her child according to his/her own beliefs? K.R. A. You have asked a thoughtful question. There are strong feelings about parents' rights in this country. Parents have the right to raise children as they see fit but that right is not unconditional. Some people believe that passing laws to restrict or end corporal punishment of children interferes with parents' rights. Our government has a responsibility to protect its vulnerable citizens and has passed laws to do so many times in the past. In the late l970's, child abuse laws were passed which were modeled on laws protecting animals. Domestic violence laws have been passed by congress in the past few years. It is no longer permissible to hit a spouse. Corporal punishment of children is an at-risk behavior which can easily lead to child abuse. Billions of dollars are spent on child abuse prevention annually, our child abuse rates continue to be high, and children continue to fall through the cracks of the institutions that were designed to protect them. We are failing children, not just by not curtailing abuse, but because we often not providing the kind of discipline that leads to self-disciplined, productive and caring adults. Eleven nations do not allow parents or any caregivers to hit children. They have low rates of child abuse. We need to move toward ending corporal punishment through education and legal reform. Through education efforts such as SpankOut Day USA April 30th, we can develop a national ethic that it is not right to hit anyone, including children. We can look at the anti-smoking campaign and see that such a dream can be realized. Q: I turned out OK and so did my brothers and sisters. Why does your organization say that hitting and spanking only hurts kids? My mother taught us to be good and spanked the children in our family when we did something wrong. There were six of us and we all turned out well. We learned to be respectful and we learned what is right and wrong. If spanking isn’t done harshly, it helps kids. D.K. A: A. Dear DK, your mother must have done a lot of good things. You said she taught you to be good. Teaching children right and wrong, intervening when they do wrong, praising good behavior, and establishing expectations for good behavior help children to become respectful, caring, and responsible adults. She obviously did those things. She probably did not spank very much or very hard. You will never know if you and your siblings could have turned out even better if you’d been raised in a firm, loving home without any spanking. The research on spanking clearly shows that spanking is a risk factor for a number of negative outcomes. That doesn’t mean that every child who is spanked turns out bad just as not every person who smokes for a lifetime develops cancer. Your family is an example of this. Q: Sweden banned corporal punishment of children even in homes in l979. Look what happened. Swedish teens today are alcoholic, drug-users, and getting into lots of trouble with the law. A: Apparently you have been hearing about Sweden's law from folks who really don't know much about it. Many critics said that parents would hit and injure more children out of frustration in complying with the l979 ban. That didn't happen. They said the morals of the country would go downhill with youth becoming badly behaved, drug and alcohol abuse rising, etc. That didn't happen. We are sending you journal articles about the successes of Sweden. These are articles written by researchers and published only after their peers have reviewed them. If you take time to read these articles, I think you will see that the Swedes are doing well....almost no child abuse or child deaths due to physical abuse, low youth crime and other kinds of crime. The banning of corporal punishment of children has not led to problems among youth. Q: GIVE ME A BREAK! My adult children are the most well behaved , happy and confident children that anyone has ever met and they were spanked. They learned respect! What do you say about that? A: I am so glad your children learned to be respectful and that they turned out so well. I am sure that the few spankings you gave them as you indicated did not irreparably damage them. I am also sure you did a lot of good things that helped create their good character and responsibility. Whenever people start out a communication with something like "GIVE ME A BREAK"!, I can feel their anger and disrespect and that tends to shut off communication with me or others they are trying to persuade. (top)