PARENTS’ QUESTIONS ON CHILD DISCIPLINE

Nadine Block

The following are answers to questions that have been sent to the Center for Effective Discipline. Answers are given by Nadine Block, Director and retired school psychologist unless otherwise noted.

Circumstances and names have been changed for privacy purposes. We are unable to answer all questions submitted. Questions can be sent to info@stophitting.org.

School Issues

Q: My 8 year old son was physically assaulted by the school principal last week. I’ve been to the police and to child protective services. I filed a complaint. They won’t do anything. I get referred to one agency after another. I took my son to the emergency room and I have photos of bruises to his buttocks from paddling. I want what is right for my son but I don’t have money to hire a lawyer to fight this. What can I do? N.M.

A: How frustrating for you! Many parents tell us it is almost impossible to get authorities to follow up on paddling injuries. They say that educators seem to have more legal protection than parents when it comes to abusing children. In twenty-two states, educators are allowed to paddle students for breaking school rules. State laws and local policies determine how paddling can be used. Check your state law under the laws section on this web site. You should ask for a copy of the paddling policy from your school board to see if the principal followed the required procedures. If he did not, you can bring this before the superintendent and board of education and ask that he be fired or reprimanded. The prosecutor can decide to press child abuse or assault charges against the principal. Document every person you talk to, the outcome and date of your contact. It will help you tell your story and may help build a civil case if you find a lawyer to take the case. If you run into a stone wall with authorities, contact a reporter from your local newspaper, television or radio station to tell your story and make a plea for banning corporal punishment in your school district. Tell your son that no person has a right to hit another person and that he should not have been hit. You may want to have him see a psychologist or other mental health person to see whether any treatment is needed.

Do you know any parents who might be willing to help you try to get corporal punishment banned in your school district? Contact us for a free publication with ideas about how to do that.

Q. What should I do? My pre-school child’s teacher is mean and will yank kids by their arms if they aren’t quiet? D. R.

A. Get an appointment with the preschool center director. If you saw the teacher grab children by the arm in an aggressive manner, report when and where you saw that happen. Ask the center director to observe the teacher in her interactions with children. Was this a one-time event? Is the teacher uncaring or disrespectful toward children in other ways? Is the teacher having personal problems? Ask the director what she/he will do about it and ask her/him to call you to follow up on your concerns. Chances are that the director will take care of the problem. If your child reports this but you haven’t observed it, you should still make an appointment with the director. Report that your child has told you this, that you understand that sometimes children misinterpret events (although, in this case it’s not likely), and that you’d like her/him to observe the teacher and get back to you. The center director can talk with the teacher about the issue in a less emotional environment than if you confronted the teacher. If you don’t feel that the director is addressing your concerns, you should look for other preschool care.

Q. What’s the big deal about bullying? When I was a kid, that was just something you learned to live with in school. It helped me toughen up. There are too many “do gooders” like your group interfering in schools. C.D.

A. The Center is primarily concerned with ending corporal punishment of children. Many people, like you, see concerns about protecting school children as weak and see people who express those concerns as interfering in something that is not their business. You seem to consider bullying (and maybe school corporal punishment) a harmless rite of passage. Bullying is harmful to children and needs to be stopped in the early grades of school before it becomes an entrenched behavior in the system. It creates a climate of fear among students and can lead to loneliness, insecurity, problem behaviors like smoking and drinking and deeper mental health problems. Studies have shown that school bullies are more likely to commit crimes as adults. In a survey by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, more than 20 percent of middle school students said they had been bullied or had bullied others. Schools need to have programs that provide training for teachers about bullying. Schools need to increase supervision of students during breaks, develop clear rules against bullying, intervene in bullying situations and protect victims. Violence at school, whether it is bullying or paddling students, should not be tolerated.

Q: There has been a serious decline in school discipline and I think it is because corporal punishment has been banned. I am a teacher and I find students to be very disrespectful. They know they can talk to teachers any way they want and get away with it. Detentions and suspensions don’t scare them. Maybe going back to corporal punishment would bring back the kind of discipline we need. A.T.

A: Putting back corporal punishment won’t improve school discipline. It won’t lead to any more respect from students than one gets from striking a spouse. Anger? Yes. Humiliation? Yes. Desire for revenge? Yes. Respect? No. Disrespect for authority is a problem in many schools. Many young people haven’t learned to respect authority and haven't had good models for learning that social skill. Tell students what you expect. Give them concrete examples of what “respect” means in school. Remember, some of them haven’t learned this. Praise kids who are respectful. There are several states with a long history of corporal punishment bans and the idea of re-instating it to cure discipline problems seldom comes up. The only country to reinstate corporal punishment after having banned it was Nazi Germany. There is no research to show that corporal punishment is effective. Corporal punishment doesn’t improve discipline and it won't make students respect teachers.

Q: Can you tell me about the Texas laws on corporal punishment in schools? I have been told that a parent must sign a waiver form to permit corporal punishment but my son’s school requires the exact opposite. I’m told that I must write a letter forbidding this. What’s the story?

A: In Texas, and in 21 other states (at this date 3-04), local school boards decide whether corporal punishment shall be used in schools. You need to ask for the policy on corporal punishment in your district to find out how and why it can be administered. Be sure to do what it requires to get your child exempted from paddling. I’ve talked to too many parents who said they didn’t think they needed to act on this because their children had never had any discipline problems. Unfortunately, they were contacting us regarding a paddling injury. They also tell me they are often told by protective services that they would be arrested if they had caused such injuries. If you hit your child with a board on the buttocks in front of Wal-Mart, you would undoubtedly be arrested. Yet, the educators in your school and many others can do so behind doors and are protected by criminal and, and in some states like Texas, civil immunity. Check LAWS on our website for laws on corporal punishment of children in your state.

Q: How should I punish my son effectively and properly? He wrote a swear word on his teacher’s calendar.

A: Corporal punishment is not the answer. Children just learn to avoid doing things when they think they might be caught. It can make kids sneaky. I believe that having him make restitution and give an apology to the teacher would be more effective in keeping him from doing such a thing in the future. If you want to make sure an apology is delivered, help him write a note to the teacher and help him deliver it. Have him ask the teacher how much it will cost to replace the calendar and then have him earn money (or take his allowance) to replace the one he defaced. I think that will be effective and he ends up with a bit of closure on the issue.

Q: I am a high school teacher and I believe banning corporal punishment is wrong. There is a right corporal punishment and a wrong corporal punishment. The right corporal punishment is a loving corporal punishment. If we used loving corporal punishment on children, we wouldn't be facing glaring problems in our society. S.A., KS

A: "Loving corporal punishment" does not exist for your spouse, your neighbor, or your neighbor's dog. We believe that "loving corporal punishment" does not exist for children. It is an oxymoron.

Q: It’s people like you who created Columbine. We wouldn’t need paddling in schools if kids today weren’t such spoiled brats like the Columbine boys. Your way of thinking has created a generation that has no fear of consequences.

A: I am struck by how angry you are. (This is from a much longer email and typical of some of the email we get). Do you know how the Columbine parents disciplined their children? Do you have any basis for saying that corporal punishment would improve discipline or create fear of consequences? The U.S. Department of Justice reports that juvenile crime is at a 30 year low. More school shootings take place in paddling states. There is a higher rate of incarceration of adults in paddling states. School paddling doesn’t seem to prevent school shootings or law-breaking. You may benefit from talking about your anger with a psychologist or other mental health specialist in your community. Do you have any insight into why you are so angry?

Q: I am a student teacher. An 11 year old kid kept getting in trouble at school and his Mom has trouble keeping under control. There is no father in the house. The boy is a very angry kid. I suggested mom take away the TV, video games, stereo, etc, so that there'd be no distractions. I came up with my "restricted luxuries" plan as an alternative to spanking him. What do you think? Mr. W

A: Your idea sounds sensible! You might also suggest an incentive chart for chores. It can help him get organized at home. It helps his mom and it can help him get positive attention. Here's how to do it. He and mom together make up a list of things that need to be done in the home. They post his list on the refrigerator. Each day he checks the list, does his chore and makes an X next to it showing that it was done. At the end of the week, if he completes his chores, Mom and he can do something special together like have a special dinner of his choice. He can get an extra couple of hours of TV on the weekend or whatever has been agreed upon in advance as a reward. Are you doing anything in class to help him with anger management or can the school counselor or school psychologist help out on that?

Q: Teachers in my daughter's school paddle students. I've written a letter asking that she not be paddled but I'm afraid to send it. Does a parent have a right to to send such a letter and expect that parents' wishes will be followed? TN parent

A: You have a right to write a letter to the school requesting that your child not be paddled and you should do so. Tennessee law allows school boards to decide if they will permit corporal punishment or not permit it and to make policies about how it is used. Whether they must honor your request depends on the school board policy adopted by the board. Stop by the board of education office and request a copy of the discipline policy for the district. The board policy may require that educators honor parent requests. If that isn't stated in the policy, ask the superintendent whether he/she thinks parents’ requests that corporal punishment not be used on their children should be honored. Tell why you oppose your child being hit. The superintendent might agree with you and may ask the board to require all schools to honor parent requests. If he doesn't agree with you and your written request won’t be honored, send the letter you have written with copies to the teacher, the principal and the superintendent. It's likely they may be a little more careful about hitting your daughter or may not hit her hard or often if they know you are opposed to it. They may decide not to hit her at all. You can find the TN law on school corporal punishment at LAWS on stophitting.org.

Q: Why don't you come up with an effective discipline for school districts? Paddling is declining and kids are getting worse and worse.

A: You ask us to come up with an effective discipline in schools. Discipline programs that work in schools really take involvement of everyone: leadership by the administration, a study of discipline problems in the district, a well-articulated and enforced set of rules, and a view by educators that behavior can be changed. No credible programs, in fact no programs that I am aware of, advocate corporal punishment. There are many, many programs for teachers on classroom management and alternatives, some of them very well- qualified, research-driven, and free programs. You’ll find some listed on our website www.stophitting.org. As far as today’s youth getting worse without corporal punishment, I invite you to look at our website “Fact vs. Opinion” at http://www.stophitting.com/disatschool/fact-vs-opinion-school-corporal-punishment.php You will see that states where corporal punishment is used most also have the highest rates of adult incarceration and have more fatal school shootings that non-paddling states. You will see that less violence against teachers has a positive correlation with ending corporal punishment in schools. Youth violence is at its lowest rate in 30 years according to the US Department of Justice. Much of the public seems to believe that hitting children makes them less violent, but that is not true.

Over l00 countries have banned school corporal punishment and 23 nations do not allow anyone, even parents, to hit children. Ending corporal punishment is good for parents, good for schools and good for children. It’s not going to happen overnight but it will happen.

Q: Is it excessive for the principal to require a six year old child to run laps for 30 minutes as punishment for an alleged misbehavior? I am angry and sad at the treatment my son has suffered this school year. M.D.

A: You ask if it is excessive to require first grade students to run laps for 30 minutes. YES. Its intent appears to be to cause physical pain because of a misbehavior (here an alleged misbehavior) which is corporal punishment. While it is rare, children have actually died from such punishments. It is ineffective because it doesn't deal with the presenting problem and is just a quick administrative fix. Your letter suggests that this punishment is part of a punative and bullying atmosphere in your son's school, an environment which has caused emotional harm to your son. I am so happy that you have withdrawn him and you are sending him to a private school in the fall. You might help other children in that school by writing a letter to the school board, the superintendent and the principal detailing the harm done to your child by the bullying and punative atmosphere there and you should recommend that the teachers have training in bullying prevention. I hope your son has a wonderful school year next year.

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